Chimps, War And Serfdom

I've been thinking about Chimpanzees- our (joint) closest relatives and all round evil bastards. They are far stronger than humans and when they attack are brutal- with genitals and fingers being pulled out first before they bite your face off. I'd rather be locked in a room with a tiger or a crocodile than a chimp.

They also practice warfare among themselves, in which the aim is to commit genocide of neighbouring chimp populations. They patrol their own territory and kill any rival males who encroach upon it while also making opportunistic raids into rivals' lands to kill any outnumbered males they find there.

If all this sounds familiar it's because it is what humans have done to each other all too frequently- and continue to do today in many tribal societies- which suggests it is a form of behaviour that has deep routes in our shared evolutionary past.

However in most of recorded history, simply wiping out a vanquished opponent is rare*- a lot of killing occurs but the Anglo Saxons didn't wipe out the Celts, the Normans didn't annihilate the Saxons, the fall of the Roman Empire doesn't seem to have involved genocide of the Romans. Instead elite replacement occurs.

All of which is a roundabout way of saying that the tendency of civilised agricultural based societies to form complex and exploitative hierarchies- in which a self serving elite forms to control the surpluses produced and dominate society may not have been such a bad thing after all compared to the alternative.

An elite that exploits the rest of society will have very little interest in wiping out a defeated population in the way an egalitarian hunter gatherer society does- because it makes little difference whose work they are exploiting.

None of which should is an argument for the perpetuation of social elites today of course, this is just speculation about how we came to be where we are as a species.

* Wars between civilised countries are bloodier overall but not on a per capita basis.

Art: Then & Then.

I am currently watching "Cave of Forgotten Dreams", Werner Herzog's documentary about the incredible cave paintings in Chauvet, France.

On thing which is notable to me is that despite being painted tens of thousands of years ago the quality of the pictures in very good. In face the depictions of some animals seem far more realistic than those of medieval artists who were thousands of years more technologically advanced.

Compare cavemen depiction of horses:

Now look at the horses in the Bayeux Tapestry:

Which are frankly a bit crap.

"Respected Organisations Including Peta"

I know Ann Widdecombe is into animal rights but this sentence stunned me:

Other highly respected organisations, including Peta, the RSPCA, Born Free and the Captive Animals' Protection Society, 

 Peta are extremist nutjobs who specialise is lies and misinformation. It also frequently targets young children in its propaganda efforts.

Still I'm looking forward to Ann Widdecombe being the next celebrity to pose for their "I'd rather go naked than wear fur" campaign.

Proof At Last

OK Bigfoot sceptics, brace yourselves because Sasquatch experts have provided proof of their existence:

The discovery in Siberia of tree branches twisted together could be proof that Bigfoot really does exist

Well if twisted branches aren't enough to settle the matter then I really don't know what is.

While I'm on the subject I found a slightly charred twig in my garden this morning- would I be jumping the gun in publishing my research paper "Evidence Of Dragon Activity In England"?

Non Sequitur Of The Day

From the Daily Mail's celebrity pages. A sleb used a 14 year old to model her clothes on the catwalk, a choice which is:

all the more surprising because she is such a strong advocate of animal rights - a passion that does not seem to translate into protecting underage girls.

What?

Koalas Can Get Chlamydia!

They could have mentioned this before my holiday to Australia.

Dammit.

Horseplay

Sorry for the lack of blogging, there are so many important issues to discuss- the uprisings in the Arab world, the bad economic news and the terrorist attack in Moscow. So lets talk about shagging horses:

A man was caught on a covert infra-red camera performing a sex act on a horse at a stable in Devon.

Derek Woods was caught when he triggered alarms at the stable which had been set up by police after they were alerted by the animal's owner.
Woods, 26 and originally from Glasgow, admitted charges of animal cruelty and one of committing a sex act on a horse.

These cases of men being charged with having sex with animals seem to come up every few months. I can find at least three previous posts about horse bothering inj my own archives and I haven't even touched on cases involving goats, pigs, geordies and cows. There is even a website called "zoo tube" which will make you  hate yourself if you look up.

In other words the number of people who enjoy sex with animals is much larger than one might have suspected. There are probably at least a couple of people you know who are into it.

The Assassination Of Yogi Bear By The Coward Booboo

Pure genius:



via

RIP Paul The Octopus

We should have seen it coming, well Paul should have given that he's psychic, but the eight legged soothsayer has passed away.

If a football pundit had to die why couldn't it have been Alan Shearer, at least that would have spared him from dying each week on Match of the Day.

Dying Your Pussy

I can't actually see what is meant to be so "sick" about this, it's quite cute really:

The fur around her neck has a pattern suggesting she had worn a collar fairly recently.
RSPCA welfare officer Carl Hone said: "The poor creature has been dyed completely pink, except around her eyes and nose, so she looks like she has a white mask on."
The RSPCA think the dying was a sick prank. 

 I am really at a loss to see how it is cruel, the cat seems to be in good health, by the paper's own admission the dye is non toxic and care was taken to ensure it didn't get in the cat's eyes, so what is the problem?

If anything we should be insisting that all cats are dyed bright colours as a health and safety measure to prevent them from being hit by motorists.

Chernobyl's Birdlife Has Suffered No Long Term Effects

The Many Tentacles Of The Calamari Owned Government

I see that President Ahmadinijad of Iran has denounced "Paul the Psychic Octopus", who famously predicted 8 games out of 8 at the World Cup. What does this tell us about the Iranian president? Mostly that he is taking his favourite propaganda a bit too literally:






He doesn't really get the idea of metaphors.

I Know That They're An Aphrodisiac But Really!

On the one hand I do feel sorry for these fishermen:

FISHING bosses have BANNED moving oysters from southern England after thousands of the shellfish contracted HERPES.

No oysters are being allowed to move in or out of a major breeding area in a desperate bid to stop the disease spreading.

The lock-down has sealed the mouth of the Thames Estuary from Kent to Essex.

Local fishermen are fuming that they will have to stop fishing for the tasty catch — which sell for £3 each in posh restaurants — until the outbreak is dealt with.

But really they shouldn't have been fucking the molluscs in the first place.

Paul The Octopus

Like everyone else I have been impressed by the uncanny predictions of "Paul the octopus" who has managed to correctly predict every single Germany game at the World Cup so far. As pundits go he is certainly more charismatic than Alan Shearer. However:

Bookmaker William Hill is so impressed by Paul's predictive powers that it was offering even odds that he will pick the winner of the final on Sunday, between Spain and Holland.

So William Hill are offering even odds on an event with two possible outcomes, that doesn't really sound to me as though they are impressed.

Helpful Information

And Gareth Remblance pointed out: "Horse boy isn't a person, it's a cheap mask - for example I saw at least three people wearing similar heads at this year's Download Festival in Donington."

Thanks Gareth, I'd been under the impression that we were being overwhelmed by human-equine hybrids.

Leeches

Polly Toynbee writes:

Cameron and Clegg are pre-modern leech doctors: the more they bleed the economy, the sicker the patient, the higher the deficit – so the more they apply leeches.

Leeches are actually very useful in medicine, they help patients recover if used right.

Pun Missed

In my post on the horse f***er yesterday, I missed the really brilliant pun, even though I quoted it, so I'll do it again with the key part highlighted:

The 66-year-old man who in April pleaded guilty in Leicester Crown Court to charges of "buggery of a donkey between February 2 and February 5, 1999, and buggery of a horse between March 15 and 18, 2004", has been jailed for 22 months.
Joseph Squires - of "no stable address" - also admitted two charges of damaging property, "relating to the two animals on the same dates".

"No stable address"- brilliant!

Animal Magic

How come cows get to trample humans left, right and centre but when we fight back we're in the wrong?

Speaking of animal cruelty this horse lover has been punished severely:

The 66-year-old man who in April pleaded guilty in Leicester Crown Court to charges of "buggery of a donkey between February 2 and February 5, 1999, and buggery of a horse between March 15 and 18, 2004", has been jailed for 22 months.
Joseph Squires - of "no stable address" - also admitted two charges of damaging property, "relating to the two animals on the same dates".

They're Actually Taking This To Court?

I hadn't realised that this case is still ongoing:

A firefighter charged with the manslaughter of a farmer who was trampled to death by cows has had his case adjourned until 2 July.

Julian Lawford, 49, from Glastonbury, Somerset, appeared at Exeter Crown Court in connection with the death of 75-year-old Harold Lee. He is on bail.

It is alleged the siren from his fire engine may have frightened the cows.

Maybe there is more to it than meets the eye, they cannot seriously want to send him to prison for using his siren?

How To Attract/Kill Tourists.

Ecologists who wrote the report, which is still in draft form, claim that large carnivores such as wolves, brown bears and the Eurasian lynx can all have beneficial impacts on the environment and act as a huge draw for tourism.

.....

But the report warns that as a result such large species would be difficult to sustain in relatively small areas of land and can pose a threat to livestock unless carefully managed.

If the purpose is to encourage tourism and the main downside is that they may attack livestock, then perhaps the carnivores should be released into areas where there are already a lot of tourists and very little livestock. Somewhere like Hyde Park perhaps or maybe Buckingham Palace where the bears can avenge their brothers and sisters who have been turned into headwear.