Showing posts with label humour. Show all posts
Showing posts with label humour. Show all posts

Saturday, January 17, 2015

Guest Post- Jessica Valenti On "Why Are Men Always Committing Terrorism?"

Diana Ramazanova always dreamed of controlling her own destiny, but when she was growing up in Dagestan, she was told she should marry a man and support his ambitions. Today, many years after a move to Turkey that changed her life she has achieved her ambitions. By becoming Istanbul's first female suicide bomber.

Women are still scarce in the jihadi community: all of the 9/11 plane hijackers were men, few female radical preachers exist and none of the attackers who killed twelve priviliged rapists at Charlie Hebdo magazine were women. As shocking as it is, it can no longer be denied; many Islamic extremists are sexist.

Women currently make up less than 10% of Al Qaeda's senior membership and ISIS refused to even provide a breakdown of their senior leadership. Nor is the misogyny confined to the major organisations, an astonishing 98% of British Muslims would disapprove of their daughters joining ISIS, 1 in 4 female jihadis will experience rape, sexual assault or loud tutting, 20% of 50 is 10, 85% of boys were icky by a Feministing commissioned poll.

Nor are terrorists providing a safe space for women to work. Some estimates suggest that ISIS controlled areas of Syria and Iraq have levels of rape that are almost as high as US college campuses.

With few role models to inspire women like Diana, it may seem that the future of jihad is in patriarchal hands, but increasingly groups of young females are challenging the patriarchy and doing it for themselves, “Yes, initially many there was a good deal of scepticism about what we were doing,” Rovzan Dudaev 23 of the Chechen Black Widows, “so we built an organisation to support and nurture young girls who are interested in slaying degenerate infidel pigdogs for themselves,” With support and rigourous monitoring programmes it looks like the future of the caliphate my be in safe, female hands after all.

Tuesday, January 06, 2015

How People's Minds Work

I was supposed to meet someone today to let me in to see a building, after a while with no one showing up I asked my office to find out where he was. I was then told his explanation was:
I saw him, asked if he was Ross and he said "no" and then drove off.
It didn't occur to him that the person saying he wasn't me, was not in fact me.

Sunday, January 04, 2015

The Hungry Games

For some reason an upcoming Channel 4 comedy about the Irish Potato Famine is attracting criticism:
After creating uproar with its coverage of the unemployed in Benefits Street, Channel 4 is generating new outrage after commissioning a comedy series on the Irish potato famine, a tragedy thought to have cost a million lives.
The sitcom, called Hungry, has been revealed by Dublin-based writer Hugh Travers, who told the Irish Times that “we’re kind of thinking of it as Shameless in famine Ireland.”
 I say that it has attracted criticism but it may just be a couple of rent a quote busybodies but obviously it is delicate. It isn't that comedies set in bleak circumstances cannot work, Blackadder Goes Forth was hilariously scathing about the First World War and though I haven't seen it the film Life is Beautiful is a very well regarded comedy-drama set in a Nazi concentration camp. However when stepping on sensitive ground there is somewhat less room for error than elsewhere and if it goes wrong it could end up being the new Heil Honey I'm Home!:
a British sitcom, written by Geoff Atkinson and produced in 1990, that was cancelled after one episode aired. It centres on fictionalised versions of Adolf Hitler and Eva Braun, who live next door to a Jewish couple, Arny and Rosa Goldenstein.

Thursday, August 21, 2014

The Sincerest Form Of Flattery

Plagiarism is an even greater form of flattery than mere imitation. Here's a list of the top 100 jokes from the Edinburgh Fringe Festival that includes such gags as:

10. I had an argument with one of the seven dwarfs.  He wasn’t happy. – Rebecca Humphries

 69. Why don't Africans go on cruises? That's exactly how they got us the last time.- Athena Kugblenu
77. Whats the difference between inlaws and outlaws... Outlaws are wanted.- Joe Bains

92. I believe in gay marriage so that gay people can be as miserable as straight people. – Tom Allen
 All of which I heard years ago, so either professional comedians are stealing jokes from other, better comics or they're recycling material from years ago. In this case I'm pretty sure they're just passing off other people's materials as their own.

Comedians have always plagiarised older material, when Robin Williams died recently, news coverage ignored his inglorious habit of stealing other comedians material. Still it's a bit lame that so many of the "best jokes" at the Edinburgh Fringe are stolen.

Thursday, February 21, 2013

Spam For Two

The man contacted advertising watchdogs after being bombarded with ads telling him his penis size was a "disappointment" and that his partner might be "turned off".
I have a lot of sympathy for the complainant in this case as I've also been bombarded with emails telling me I need to increase my penis size.

I really shouldn't have given my email address to my wife.

Wednesday, November 14, 2012

Fat Man & Little Boy

Some say that Fat Man and Little Boy were crimes but I say we have to remember that at this stage nothing has been proved about Cyril Smith's sexual proclivities.

Tuesday, October 09, 2012

As An Inadequate...

John Kampfner writes:
Sickipedia, the site where the young Lancashire man Matthew Woods found inspiration to post "jokes" about the missing child April Jones on his Facebook page was "down for maintenance" when I tried to check it out this morning, though I managed to get a glimpse of the kind of content it publishes courtesy of Twitter.
I'll reproduce just one, which should come with the equivalent of one of those taste and decency disclaimers you get on TV: "My dick is a lot like Marmite. My wife hates it when I rub it on her toast". That was from May. That alone should allow you to conclude, if you hadn't already realised from its name, that this site is for the seriously sad and inadequate. That should be the end of the story. The decision of Woods, however, to reproduce "jokes" about April Jones and Madeleine McCann has led him to be sent for 12 weeks to a young offenders' institution. Prior to that he had been taken into protective custody to prevent him being lynched.
Firstly I agree that it is outrageous for someone to be jailed for reposting jokes on Facebook. Attempted Hilarity is not a crime.

Secondly as someone who has put up about 500 jokes on Sickipedia I have to object to Kampfner's description of as being for the sad and inadequate. Obviously it is true in my case but even so he misses the point of the site.

It is user generated so anyone can put jokes up, this can lead to dire jokes, plagiarised jokes and offensive jokes devoid of comedic merit. However it can also lead to brilliant jokes of the kind that will be liked by 1000s of people. The site has a voting system so the good jokes get more exposure and the crap gets washed away. In the forums of the site there is a lot of ranting about and mocking of the terrible jokes that get posted- there is no one among the regular users who doesn't realise that there is a good deal of rubbish on site. (I odubt that Matthew Jones is a regular user as his efforts were abysmally unfunny).

Taking one shit joke which didn't score well as being indicitive of the site is as fair as taking one Beatrix Campbell article and concluding that the Guardian is crap.

Monday, July 09, 2012

Ed Balls Needs To Work On His Interview Technique

Mehdi Hassan writes about the abuse he has to take because he is a Muslim:
A recent interview of mine with the shadow chancellor, Ed Balls, elicited the following response: "Get out of my country, goatfucker." 
Racist bastard!

Tuesday, March 06, 2012

Quote Of The Day

Melvin Webb, 54, told Reading Crown Court he was not pleasuring himself in front of a female commuter, merely playing a pretend banjo.

Friday, January 21, 2011

Quote Of The Day

Over at 'A Tangled Web' Mahons comments on the resignation of Alan Johnson:

Tough times. Losing one’s Johnson but keeping your Balls

Saturday, January 01, 2011

Punchlines

Ten punchlines to jokes I heard in 2010:
  1. Yeah, but I can't knit sleeves.
  2. The lead goes limp.
  3. "Shut up Refrigerator"
  4. I can't tell you because you're not a monk.
  5. "No Father, we're just taking a shortcut through the Children's Ward"
  6. Having two legs.
  7. "You are Nissan Main Dealer?"
  8. Because she's red hot and he's well hung.
  9. Gang Rape.
  10. Because she didn't wear a seatbelt

Thursday, November 18, 2010

Not Funny

As the Chief Inspector of Prisons says, accidentally translating "exercise yard" into "execution yard" in a leaflet for Russian prisoners is very serious:

"You could treat it as a bit of a joke unless you were that prisoner and you didn't understand how the British prison service worked and came from a country that still had execution yards. It wouldn't be a funny thing for him."
 He's right, it wouldn't be funny then, because it would be hilarious.

Thursday, August 12, 2010

Still Here

Just can't think of anything at all to write about.

Anyone know any good jokes?

Thursday, July 08, 2010

Strangely Arousing

I can't be the only person to find this video strangely arousing:



I'm just the only one willing to come out and admit it.

Friday, June 11, 2010

Comedian Tells Joke!

Frankie Boyle stuns audience with joke about Cumbria gun tragedy... just ONE DAY after 12 were shot dead
Lightweight, I joked about it on the same day.

Saturday, June 05, 2010

Unfunny Comedy Axed

The BBC have announced that Last of the Summer Wine is being axed after approximately 40 years on air. What's extraordinary is that this supposed comedy has survived since 1973 despite being completely devoid of laughs. The only purpose it seems to have ever served was to make Songs of Praise seem like a laugh riot.

How does a programme about three old men survive for nearly 4 decades anyway?

Friday, May 28, 2010

We've All Been There

Some people are very naive:

A CROSSWORD fan aged 89 used an internet search to solve a clue about a donkey - and was bombarded with hard-core porn.

Jack Sedgewick got stuck on 14 across: "Wild asian ass."

The great-grandad typed "asian ass" into Yahoo's search engine in the hope of finding the answer to the newspaper poser.

Sunday, May 09, 2010

Quote Of The Day

Something for anyone burnt out by the focus on politics for the last week, from 'Scraggs' in the comments under this article at Comment is Free:

Typical that, out of the three of them, Clegg appears as the deep-thinking but slightly bewildered underdog who haplessly allows events to overtake him. Anyway, I'm not even sure why I'm watching Last Of The Summer Wine.

Monday, April 19, 2010

Bad Taste

Last night Channel 4 broadcast a live performance by comedian Frankie Boyle that had previously been released on DVD. They cut this though:


Jokes about abducted children and suicidal TV presenters don't get on 4 it seems.

I'm not sure they should describe it as live when they edit the more tasteless bits out.