Follow me on Twitter- @Unencom - or don't, it's up to you but it would be nice if you did.
There was this alsation owner lived next door to a man who owned a rabbit...on reflection it's not that funny.
Two parrots sat on a perch.One turns to the other and says, "Hey, can you smell fish?".I'll get me coat.CR.
Two snowmen...One says to t'other - "can you smell carrots?"------------A survey has shown that smoking is one of the leading causes of statistics. ------------My doctor told me that "1 out of 3 people who start smoking will eventually die."The other two apparently become immortal. ------------Most popular iPhone App of the month:Public Telephone Box Locator. ------------I was approached by a member of Greenpeace in the street the other day and he told me that if I don't donate £2 a month then people in Africa will die.I cant believe Greenpeace employ such violent people. ------------What's the difference between the government and organised crime?One is organised.
Yup. i was on a tax course recently, and the lecturer was talking about a court case which revolved around whether a farmer who had gone into a care home could still count his now vacant farmhouse as his residence.I pointed out the irony that this poor chap had spent most of his life growing vegetables but had later become one.You had to be there.
The Coalition?Bloodstones Campbell?Capello?
A vampire goes into a bar in Alaska, and the bar man asks him 'What do you want to drink?' And the vampire says 'Six pints of Stella, please.'
From Boondock Saints:Yakavetta: I'm having a shitty day. I'm depressed. Tell me a funny joke. Rocco: Now? A joke? Uh... um, uh... A joke. Yeah, alright. Um... There's these, uh, three guys, uh... a-a-a-a spic, a-a-a-a white guy and a black guy. Yakavetta: Nigger. Rocco: Yeah, n-n- Yeah. And-and they walk along the beach, they see this pot, they rub it, genie comes out. Genie says, you know, "You wish for anything you want." So, he asks, uh-uh, Mexican what-what he wants, and he goes, uh, uh, "I want, uh, all my people in America to be happy and free and in Mexico." And so, genie - Poof! And, all the spics are in Mexico. And then he asks the black guy... Vincenzo Lipazzi: Nigger. Rocco: Yeah, that's what I said. Goes to the, uh- uh, nigger, says, uh, "What do you want?" And he goes, um, uh, "I want all my African- my nigger brothers in America to be back in Africa and-and happy and everything." You know? So, genie goes poof! And, um, all the niggers in America are in Africa. And, uh, uh, uh, this is go- I'm not funny today. I-I know. I'm havin' a hard day. I-I-I- This joke sucks. It's-it's-it's a stupid joke. Yakavetta: Continue the joke. Rocco: So the genie says to the white guy, uh, um, "What's your one wish?" And the white guy goes, "You mean to tell me all the niggers and spics are out of America?" Genie goes, "Yeah." He says, "Well, um, I'll have a Coke, then."
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