Wednesday, April 30, 2008

Vote Ken Or The Puppy Gets It.

Dear Sir,

We the undersigned have begged, pleaded and ordered Londoners to vote for Ken over the last few months. We have blown the lid on how Boris Johnson's past words could be viewed as racist if they had appeared in a completely different context to how they actually appeared. We have exposed how it is possible that if Boris Johnson is elected he will close down the tube and ban buses even if there is no evidence that he will do so. We have explained to Muslims that he will ban the Koran even though he will have neither the power nor the inclination to do so. We have explained that he is a neocon/Zionist Bushite who will not sign Kyotu even thought that is not within his remit.

And yet it appears that many Londoners are still intending to vote Boris.

Up to this point we have had patience with dealing with you suburbanite troglodytes but there comes a point where a line has been crossed. If you won't even respond to our explaining how Boris Johnson's decision to be amusing whilst on a television comedy show disqualifies him for the job then it is hard to see what will get it through your thick skulls, it is Ken's right to be mayor.

It pains us as members of London's vibrant cultural community, although many of us actually live in Dorset, to see London being taken hostage by a right wing posh Tory. Did we mention that he went to Eton, on a scholarship that many of our Daddies had entered us for? Posh Bullingdon Boy Boris is in no position to understand what the London Mayor is supposed to do. In contrast most of us have received several hundreds of thousands of pounds from the mayor's
office in recent years, so our expertise really should count for more than the likes of the Evening Standard reading nazis in the outer suburbs.

In light of this we feel that we have but one course of action left open to us. If Boris Johnson is elected mayor we shall eat this adorable and tasty puppy for dinner on Friday evening. The choice facing Londoners is stark they can vote for Ken and elect a mayor who cares about puppies or they can elect Boris who is still trying to pursue a course of action that will mean that a poor puppy will be served in a casserole.

Should this puppy die to satiate Boris's neocon, racist, buffoonish, Bullingdon Boy selfishness? It is your decision (unless you have a postal vote in which case don't sweat it, we'll sort it out for you.

Yours Desperately,


Polly Toynbee,
Seamus Milne,
Richard Gott,

Race Baiters:
Lee Jasper,
Doreen Lawrence,
Yasmin Alibhai-Brown,
Simon Wooley,

Sheikh Al Qaradawi,
Azzam Tamimi,
Osama Bin Laden,

People Who Were Famous In The 1980s:
Tony Robinson,
Billy Bragg,
Vivienne Westwood.


Labour MPs:

Anon Entity,

Assorted Twats:

Phil Jupitus,
Hugo Chavez,
Damon Albarn,
George Galloway.

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