Monday, January 11, 2010

Sheer Genius.

Anyone who has been transfixed over uber blogger Andrew Sullivan's descent into complete insanity* over his obsession with Sarah Palin's** reproductive organs should read this brilliant piece by Iowahawk- "Dial 'M' For Maternity". It's a couple of months old but I've only just come across it:

"So, Doc, you're saying that Bristol Palin gave birth to both of those babies?"

Burns -- the Atlantic crime lab's gynecologist -- took off his stethoscope, put his face in his palms, and slowly rubbed his eyes.

"No, Loads, you fucking idiot. That's the exact opposite of what I'm saying. The human gestation cycle is 9 months, and the human female is physically incapable of completing two separate birth cycles within an 11 month period. The odds of an 18 year old female having a Down's Syndrome baby are more than 100,000 to 1, compared to 30 to 1 for a female in her 40s. It is an anatomic, physiological impossibility, never before seen in the history of human medicine."

"Ahhh... I catch your drift, sawbones," I said, looking up at the fluorescent panels of his exam room. "You're saying... you're saying that the Palins may not actually be humans! Dammit! How could have I been so blind no to see all the obvious clues? Do you suspect they may be a sleeper cell for intergalactic invaders?"

The medico looked at me with a blank stare for a few minutes. I could tell he knew something, but was too afraid to talk.

"Inspector Loads, do you use marijuana frequently?"

"Depends. Is five or six times a day frequent?"

* Actually Sullivan was a conspiracy theorist long before Palin came on the scene although he hasn't persisted with his other ideas to the same extent.

** I'm not a kneejerk Palin booster, I certainly don't think sane critics of hers like David Frum or Heather Mac Donald should be forced out of the conservative tent. However many of her critics, like Sullivan, are literally insane.


Anonymous said...

I'm inclined to agree re Palin.

My liking for her is proportionate to the level of vitriol aimed her way by the usual suspects.

Ross said...

Given that they think she is the antichrist you would have to worship her like a god in order to remain proportionate with her loopier enemies, which I think is a bit much.

asquith said...

The thing about Palin is you can never be quite sure who or what she is. She is obviously playing to a gallery, & has said & done so many different things that she's basically become all things to all men- well, all right-wing men anyway.

So it's hard to pin her down- but whichever of the various versions is the true Sarah, I do not like any of them (But then I'm not right-wing, & would be a Democrat in the USA, so I wouldn't be expected to).

I find the whole culture war thing around her odd & can't help thinking it might be counterproductive. A certain kind of person likes to sneer at vegetarians sipping lattes on the streets of New York, or Islington, or wherever. But Camoron, like Merkel, Sarkozy & so on grasps that it's educated, urban professionals who are or should be the bedrock of a right-wing party.

Surely if Republicans wanted to win they would try to win over people in New England & so on who couldn't give a flying fuck about gays or religion but think they pay too much tax, that it's badly spent, that all these government schemes don't work, etc. etc.

Whatever you think of Sully I appreciate the links he followed. He was my intro to American blogging- make of that what you will!

I liked the series on Palin at Heresy Corner, did you read them? It leans towards negative. I don't particularly hate her but I wouldn't want her doing anything beyond harmlessly making money out of her fans. Which I think is all she wants out o' life anyway, she is happy to mine the same seam as Limbaugh, Beck etc. etc.

JuliaM said...

"I ran screaming from the cabin with tears freezing in my mustache..."

Sides..hurting..! ;)

James Higham said...

Are insane or driven insane?

Ross said...

"Surely if Republicans wanted to win they would try to win over people in New England & so on who couldn't give a flying fuck about gays or religion but think they pay too much tax, that it's badly spent, that all these government schemes don't work, etc. etc."

Asquith- Well they've had votes on the subject of gay marriage in parts of New England (Maine recently) and rejected it so I'm not sure whether abandoning the issue would make the GOP more competitive in that part of the country except to the extent that they can talk more about other issues.

Julia- me too.

DJ said...

The 'National Topsider' stuff is still his best.

On the plus side, at least Sullivan encouraged Sarah Palin's Uterus to take up the cause and launch a short-lived rebuttal blog:

Anonymous said...

Excellent :) Great link Ross.

Matthew said...

Is there any reason to believe Palin got worse coverage than Obama? After many apparently serious people here and in the US believe all kind of wacky conspiracy theories there.

The lesson of Palin, I think, is that if she is the second-best (her supporters would say first-best) Republican canidate for President then the Republicans are in more trouble than we think.

More here - some of this can be put down to nervousness, but she seems out of her depth.

Ross said...

I don't think the Obama birther theories (which is the rough equivalent of the Trig Truther movement) got the same degree of mainstream coverage.