Like many people I find the main commentators for ITV and the BBC to be horrible to listen to. My first response was similar to Iain Dale's suggestion, promote the better ones.
In a flash of inspiration this afternoon I realised this was completely wrong, we should get rid of them altogether. Most of the information they convey is pretty obvious to anyone with eyes in their head, anything else can be flashed up on the screen in writing. Commentary is superfluous. You are probably thinking that you don't want to just listen to crowd noise, I agree, therefore we should replace the commentary with a musical score!
Each player is given his own theme music which is played whenever he has the ball, a bit like in 'The Good, The Bad And The Ugly' where Ennio Morricone gives each character slightly different music which is played in subtley different styles depending on the mood. I was thinking of "Jaws" for Thierry Henry, a samba beat for Ronaldinho or the "Laurel and Hardy" theme for Phil Neville.