Saturday, August 01, 2009

A 'Beer Summit' Exclusive.

The news that has been dominating the United States and indeed the World over the last week has been Iraq, Afghanistan, Healthcare Reform, The Economy, Global Warming, some bloke getting arrested in Massachussetts.

No it really has with there currently being almost 30000 stories in the google news search.

In what will surely be seen by future historians as the 21st century equivalent of Menachim Begin and Anwar Sadat at Camp David, President Obama invited the two particpants, Professor Gates and Officer Crowley, to a beer summit. The press photographed them from afar but no one actually knows what was said. That is because I have the only transcript of the meeting:

Transcript of White House meeting on the 31st of July 2009:

Obama: Thank you for coming today Professor Gates, I have always believed that what brings us together is stronger than what pulls us apart & what we do here can heal the scars of many years of injustice. Although I wish that you had come in through the front rather than shimmied the lock at the side. Take a seat back there while I talk to Officer Crowley.

Gates: What! You want me to sit at the back whilst the white guy gets to meet the president? Yo Momma and I are going to have words. Do you know who I am?

Obama: Yes Mr Poitier, but if you forget again just read it off my autocue. [points at autocue]

Gates: This is what it's like being a persecuted Harvard professor in America! This is profiling!

Obama: Officer Crowley how nice to see you, let me tell you that I do not think that you are a racist. It's just that I have always deplored racism so much that when an incident like this occurs I like to immediately jump to conclusions based on the race of the participants.

Crowley: Can I see some Identification please sir?

Obama: What!? I'm the President you must know me.

Crowley: Okay sir, you are under arrest for Disorderly Conduct, put your hands behind your back.

Obama: Ow get off me, that hurts.

Crowley [on his radio]: I need back up at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue, there is a large African American male refusing to identify himself and resisting arrest.

Gates: It has been 15 minutes and I still haven't seen any of those bears we were promised and I was looking forward to seeing a grizzly.


JuliaM said...

Heh! You're giving the Daily Mash a run for their money...

James Higham said...

Amazing what preoccupies people.