Sunday, March 29, 2009

Jacqui Smith's Porn.

I really don't know what to say:

The Home Secretary is to pay back parliamentary allowances claimed for pay-per-view television services, reportedly including two adult films.

Jacqui Smith said she "mistakenly" claimed for the TV package while billing for an internet connection.

The Sunday Express claims the £67 Virgin Media bill included two 18-rated features viewed last April.

Ms Smith was not home when the films were viewed, sources told the BBC. She lives with her husband, Richard Timney.

How are we supposed to trust the government with data protection if the Home Secretary can't even keep the fact that her husband has been watching porn secret?

Update: Can I suggest that everyone adopts Daniel 1979's term for this story- "Wankergate".

19 comments:

TDK said...

How are we supposed [to trust?] the government with data protection if the Home Secretary can't even keep the fact that her husband has been watching porn secret?

Well two points.

First, I guess you lost a couple of crucial words.

Second, it isn't unknown for women to use porn it is highly sexist of you to assume that Jackie isn't a fully liberated modern woman.

The bigger question surely is what titles did she watch? Is it girl on girl that does it for Jackie or is it a dominatrix taming her male colleagues?

Ross said...

"First, I guess you lost a couple of crucial words."

Yes, I'll edit that.

"Second, it isn't unknown for women to use porn it is highly sexist of you to assume that Jackie isn't a fully liberated modern woman."

In the news reports it appears that she is placing the blame on her husband, as she's claiming she wasn't at home at the time. Whilst some may not believe I shall take her at her word and not assumed that she is a ravenous consumer of porn.

captainff said...

I shall take her at her word and not assume that she is a ravenous consumer of porn.


Thank goodness for that! I'm sure the image of Ms Smith flicking the bean while watching low grade, BBFC censored, porn is not one that you'd like to carry around with you.

it's either banned or compulsory said...

The very least that Jaqui Smith is guilty of is not checking the expenses claim that she put through. A sackable offence in many companies.
Her Spunkathon husband is paid for us by us as her Parliamentary Aid so she lacks good judgement in hiring someone who can't keep his addiction to pornography to himself.
He, paid for by us, lacks good judgement in paying, albeit by us, to watch third rate porn when much better is easily available ( allegedly).

JuliaM said...

Really, really don't want to hear the words 'Jacqui Smith' and 'porn' together in the same sentence any more. Make it stop!

Ross said...

I don't like seeing 'Jacqui Smith' & 'porn' together either, but I'm trying to boost my hits and it's got to be a popular search term.

Laban said...

Her husband has stepped forward to take the rap for it. Jacqui is standing by him (with a rolling pin in her hand).

Foxy Brown said...

I never thought I'd ever say this about any Zanu-Labour politico, but I really feel sorry for Ms. Smith. How mortifying.

Daniel1979 said...

I have to give credit for the name to G.O.T, I saw he had branded it that on the title of his post on my rolling blogrole. I assumed by the time I had posted it was already branded "Wankergate"

Ross said...

"Her husband has stepped forward to take the rap for it. Jacqui is standing by him (with a rolling pin in her hand)."

Is this something they learned about in one of the videos?

JuliaM said...

Rolling pin, eh? She really needs to take him in hand!

Fidothedog said...

I reckon Jacqui is well up for it, we only have her word that she was not at home.

Edwin Greenwood said...

So which were the fillums in the frame, then? Full box-of-Kleenex-per, or just X-rated "art" films with a bit of contextually appropriate tasteful hanky-panky in them? I think we should be told.

Besides, some selfless blogger might be willing to make the sacrifice and review them for the blogosphere. Not that I'm volunteering, of course.

And damn you, TDK. I am now stuck with this mental image of the male members (if you'll pardon the expression) of the cabinet, stark bollock naked, manacled and bent over the table as Mistress Jacqui, in trademark jackboots and form-hugging leathers, confidently strides up, mammaries fully a-jiggle, to apply necessary discipline with her cat o' nine tails. Seated in the corner, Harriet looks on approvingly.

Jeeves! Another bucket of water over the young master, quickly now!

Ross said...

"So which were the fillums in the frame, then? Full box-of-Kleenex-per, or just X-rated "art" films "

I heard them name the films on the radio this morning, unfortunately I have forgotten the titles, although one of them was a sequel which doesn't suggest an art or "art" film.

Edwin Greenwood said...

"I have forgotten the titles, although one of them was a sequel which doesn't suggest an art or "art" film."

Ah! Possibly guilty as charged then. I wonder if it was Jacqui does Redditch, the deservedly little known sequel to Debbie does Dallas.

I suppose really we ought to be concentrating our collective ire on the serious underlying issue of the disgraceful serial misuse - cavalier, cynical or probably both - of public funds and the casual contempt of a governing elite grown too used to power.

The incompetence of our current leaders, who cannot even do petty corruption and sleaze properly, is truly frightening. Bring back the Tories at once!

Then again the squalid lubricity of this little affair is far too entertaining to ignore. Bring it on!

Ross said...

The Telegraph is speculating that the films were- "Raw Meat 3" and "By Special Request".

I'm sure they're French arthouse classics.

TDK said...

damn you, TDK

What??

Jacqui is after all the Home Secretary

toronto real estate said...

So this is the biggest issue that Britain is facing right now? Well let me tell you, the fact that the UK has a deficit of 10% of its GDP is nothing compared to this Wankergate.

Now seriously - I think the real issue here is the expenses system in general. We have the same system here in Canada and it's plain ridiculous - the politicians claiming anything even remotely connected to their work. With their salary? The system should be changed.

Take care,
Elli

Anonymous said...

Carry On Up Your Jacqsee (Tune Jonny I Hardly Knew Ya)

Chorus
Fiddles and films from boys in blue harroo haroo
Fiddles and films from boys in blue harroo haroo
Fiddles and films from boys in blue
Porno paid for by me and you
If Jacky would see more of her Dick-hee
Maybe Dick-hee he’d not be so lonely

Home Secretary’s Grace and Favour free home is in posh Belgravia
But she claims a bedsit at her sister’s home trousering more gravy-a
Pays her husband 40k says the press
But for how much longer ‘tis anyone’s guess
I do believe the Home Secretary’s
Expenses are more than largesse

Chorus

They’ve got so many homes you see, poor Dicky Tim-a-ney
Doesn’t know from one day to the other, where his Jacqui will be
He settles down with our cable TV
Knowing that there’s two chances in three
That instead of sharing a bed with Jacqui
He’ll be watching porn on his Jacksy

Chorus

Home Secretaries are never more pleased than when banning a bit of fun
Jacqui wants to outlaw pole dancing
Her Dick favours tits and some bum
When over her muesli Jacqui took in the news
The air was as blue as the films he had viewed
She stood there aghast, gave him such a tongue lash
His Sunday shag's a thing of the past

Fiddles and films from boys in blue harroo haroo
Fiddles and films from boys in blue harroo haroo
Fiddles and films from boys in blue
Porno paid for by me and you
If Jacky would see more of her Dick-hee
Maybe Dick-hee he’d not be so lonely