Sunday, May 09, 2010

Building On The Progressive Election Victory

Exclusive To All Left Wing Newspapers & Websites:

To many the election seems to be a clear Labour defeat and a rejection of what they stand for. However we can’t let the notion of a Tory mandate become the official story. If we assume, despite a complete absence of evidence, that Liberal Democrat voters overwhelmingly prefer a Labour government then the situation is clear.

The election is a decisive victory for a progressive alliance led by Gordon Brown.

Only 36% of people voted for the Tories. Whereas if we add Labour and Liberal Democrat votes together for some arbitrary reason that I won't explain then we get 52%.

There is a progressive majority in this country today.

The overwhelming issue for the public is not as the Murdoch press would have you believe the size of the deficit or the war in Afghanistan- The public have spoken and it is clear that they are clamouring for proportional representation under the D’Hondt system of allocating representatives.

Many Liberal Democrat supporters who voted tactically to keep the Tories out are dismayed at the current talks with David Cameron, and those who voted Lib Dem to keep Labour out don’t exist. So let Nick Clegg hold his nerve and have the courage to form a grand progressive alliance of Labour, the Liberal Democrats, the SNP, Plaid Cymru, the Green Party, the SDLP, the Alliance Party, Sinn Fein, the DUP, the Cornish Nationalists, and Esther Rantzen.

We could then offer the progressive change that the British people have so clearly demonstrated that they want:
  • A move to tackle the problem of older people dying in winter by making the wearing of hats compulsory.
  • Banning “Top Gear” from the television, to be replaced with Jo Brand, Marcus Brigstocke and Jeremy Hardy exploring the most exciting new bus lanes and cycle paths whilst offering cutting satire about the how they hate the Daily Mail.
  • Increasing taxes on certain foreign owned newspapers.
  • And the Daily Mail.
  • Ensuring that every child has access to a Social Worker an ASBO advisory officer.
  • Increase immigration so that every town in Britain can benefit from the cultural vibrancy of a Little Mogadishu
  • Ensure that every child scores above average in exams by 2013.
  • More powers for Social Workers to target high risk groups who pose a danger to children, such as parents.

With such a programme the progressive coalition will be practically unbeatable.

Just imagine how a progressive cabinet would look:

Prime Minister/First Facilitator: Gordon Brown
Secretary of State for Fairness: Harriet Harman.
Secretary of State for Progress: Nick Clegg
Foreign Secretary: Hugo Chavez
Children’s Secretary: Beatrix Campbell OBE
Home Secretary: Caroline Lucas
Secretary of Defence: Gerry Adams
Secretary of Peace: Ken Livingstone.
Chief Ayatollah for the NHS: Ed Balls
Secretary of State for Wales: Lembit Opik
Secretary of State for Scotland: Alec Salmond
Secretary of State for England: Alec Salmond
Global Warming Secretary: Bono
Europe Minister: Jacques Delors

This is why Nick Clegg must seize this once in a generation opportunity to remould British politics.


manwiddicombe said...

It's posts like this that make me proud to be British.

*wipes a tear of pure joy from eye*

Excellent stuff!

banned said...

Little Ben Bradshaw was on Radio 4 this morning spouting this line, he got quite a tough time from the presenter who is clearly aware that Ben will soon be an X-junior minister.

Matthew said...

Surely the main question we should be asking is why David Cameron and his senior colleagues wish to be in a Cabinet with a man they consider to have Nazi views?

Bessie said...

Hang on, isn't this pretty much the speech Brown gave this afternoon? Life imitates art ...

Ross said...

I've been moonlighting Bessie.

Richard said...

Excellent post, well done.