Thursday, November 26, 2009

Who Are The Monsters? We Are The Monsters

The epidemic of cow violence has shocked us all, some more than others. However what we never ask is why do they hate us? What have we done to provoke their wrath?

Now it emerges that far from the attacks being random and unprovoked it was in fact we humans who started the war.

Let me tell you the story of a classic Whitehall farce, a tale of how the government came within a whisker of advocating bovine genocide.

It all began when officials at the Department of Health decided to part-fund a piece of independent research looking at how health professionals could help combat the effects of climate change.

The boffins came up with a rather courageous idea. Why not kill 30% of Britain's cows and sheep?

Sensationalist bolding is mine. This is what they call blowback and if we want to end this war we must have the courage to end the cycle of violence, we spend ten times as much on bolt guns to slaughter cows as we do on day care centres for little calves! Why wouldn't the cows attack us?

Unsurprisingly Andy Burnham, whose specialness I have often admired on this blog was at the heart of this plan.


banned said...

The beeb report reads just like a scrpt from Yes Minister except

"For the Conservatives, shadow environment secretary Nick Herbert said that "careless demands like this don't just undermine farming, they erode public support for action on climate change". Twat.

Obnoxio The Clown said...

/me wibbles, rocking back and forth, keening ...

JuliaM said...

Ladies and gentlemen, I give you...the finest minds in government.

/joins Obo in rocking back and forth

Lucy said...

It doesn't stop though - this guy is as mad as his father is !

Ross said...

I kind of assume that all readers of this blog are wibbling and rocking back and forth in their chair.

It's kind of my target audience.

Mark Wadsworth said...

Ta for link.

I think that Dearieme sparked all this off by indiscriminately running over cows, kangaroos, camels etc.

But I think Anorak said it best:

"During the same period, Britons killed more than 4 cows. But these were eaten, mostly. The cows kill for sport.

We might be winning the numbers game, but the fear factor lies with the bovine enemy."

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