Thursday, May 14, 2009

Expenses- An Apology.

Over the last few days some of my expense claims have been made public and it is necessary to provide an explanation.

Firstly I now realise with retrospect that claiming £240 000 for a second home in Barbados might not have been appropriate, however as an MP from outside London I do need a second home.

Much has also been made of my claiming £40 000 to stock my moat with otters, but if one has a castle in the country then it seems perfectly reasonable to ask for the House of Commons to pay for wildlife to adorn it. I do a very difficult job and have be on call 24 hours a day.

The press have completely misrepresented my claim for £8000 to have my mistress's breasts enlarged, MPs are entitled to a family life and maintaining a mistress enables me do that and therefore to serve my constituents better.

I do accept that asking for £4000 from the House of Commons expenses office in order to facilitate the purchase of uncut cocaine which I then resold for £23 000 might breach the spirit of the rules and in light of the public's reaction to these claims and perceptions of my integrity I shall endevour to repay some of the money before claiming for the repayments on expenses. The system is very confusing and believe me I am as angry as everyone else about this.

However I wish to point out that when I submitted the claims they were perfectly within the rules and I know this for a fact because I helped make those very rules several days beforehand.


Matthew said...

Take comfort that you are one of the better ones.

James Higham said...

Otters are expensive these days.

Umbongo said...

Apolgy accepted: I am amazed by your evident restraint in difficult and tempting circumstances. I trust that, in due course, you will enjoy the benefit of the generous gratuity on your (I hope, long-delayed) retirement from your present onerous position together with the inflation-proofed pension you have worked so hard to earn. A grateful nation thanks you for a job well done.

Bill Quango MP said...

You have done the Westminster a community a good service today.
This is a statement that will change the narrative and have the press off our backs and back in our pockets.
Well done.

Letters From A Tory said...

You're a bad man. You'd do well in Parliament.

Ross said...

I'm humbled by this vote of confidence.