Over the last few days some of my expense claims have been made public and it is necessary to provide an explanation.
Firstly I now realise with retrospect that claiming £240 000 for a second home in Barbados might not have been appropriate, however as an MP from outside London I do need a second home.
Much has also been made of my claiming £40 000 to stock my moat with otters, but if one has a castle in the country then it seems perfectly reasonable to ask for the House of Commons to pay for wildlife to adorn it. I do a very difficult job and have be on call 24 hours a day.
The press have completely misrepresented my claim for £8000 to have my mistress's breasts enlarged, MPs are entitled to a family life and maintaining a mistress enables me do that and therefore to serve my constituents better.
I do accept that asking for £4000 from the House of Commons expenses office in order to facilitate the purchase of uncut cocaine which I then resold for £23 000 might breach the spirit of the rules and in light of the public's reaction to these claims and perceptions of my integrity I shall endevour to repay some of the money before claiming for the repayments on expenses. The system is very confusing and believe me I am as angry as everyone else about this.
However I wish to point out that when I submitted the claims they were perfectly within the rules and I know this for a fact because I helped make those very rules several days beforehand.
1 hour ago