Thursday, May 14, 2009

Expenses- An Apology.

Over the last few days some of my expense claims have been made public and it is necessary to provide an explanation.

Firstly I now realise with retrospect that claiming £240 000 for a second home in Barbados might not have been appropriate, however as an MP from outside London I do need a second home.

Much has also been made of my claiming £40 000 to stock my moat with otters, but if one has a castle in the country then it seems perfectly reasonable to ask for the House of Commons to pay for wildlife to adorn it. I do a very difficult job and have be on call 24 hours a day.

The press have completely misrepresented my claim for £8000 to have my mistress's breasts enlarged, MPs are entitled to a family life and maintaining a mistress enables me do that and therefore to serve my constituents better.

I do accept that asking for £4000 from the House of Commons expenses office in order to facilitate the purchase of uncut cocaine which I then resold for £23 000 might breach the spirit of the rules and in light of the public's reaction to these claims and perceptions of my integrity I shall endevour to repay some of the money before claiming for the repayments on expenses. The system is very confusing and believe me I am as angry as everyone else about this.

However I wish to point out that when I submitted the claims they were perfectly within the rules and I know this for a fact because I helped make those very rules several days beforehand.

6 comments:

Matthew said...

Take comfort that you are one of the better ones.

James Higham said...

Otters are expensive these days.

Umbongo said...

Apolgy accepted: I am amazed by your evident restraint in difficult and tempting circumstances. I trust that, in due course, you will enjoy the benefit of the generous gratuity on your (I hope, long-delayed) retirement from your present onerous position together with the inflation-proofed pension you have worked so hard to earn. A grateful nation thanks you for a job well done.

Bill Quango MP said...

You have done the Westminster a community a good service today.
This is a statement that will change the narrative and have the press off our backs and back in our pockets.
Well done.

Letters From A Tory said...

You're a bad man. You'd do well in Parliament.

Ross said...

I'm humbled by this vote of confidence.