Wednesday, September 10, 2008

Dear Stupid Redneck,

Jonathan Freedland at the Guardian writes:

If Americans choose McCain, they will be turning their back on the rest of the world, choosing to show us four more years of the Bush-Cheney finger. And I predict a deeply unpleasant shift.

Until now, anti-Americanism has been exaggerated and much misunderstood: outside a leftist hardcore, it has mostly been anti-Bushism, opposition to this specific administration. But if McCain wins in November, that might well change. Suddenly Europeans and others will conclude that their dispute is with not only one ruling clique, but Americans themselves. For it will have been the American people, not the politicians, who will have passed up a once-in-a-generation chance for a fresh start - a fresh start the world is yearning for.

Well I'm not going to sit back and let that happen, it's time to launch a letter writing campaign (I wonder why no one has suggested that before) to let the Americans know what we Britons want them to do. I've already submitted this to the CiF comments (under the psuedonym 'Unencom') so now I'll just send it out to 1000 households in swing states across America and the elecion will be in the bag for sure:


Dear Stoopid Redneck,


I am writing to ask you think carefully about how you cast your vote this time around. I realise that as a stump toothed hillbilly you are easily manipulated into voting against your own interests by Fox News and Rush Limbaugh, this isn't your fault.

Now it is time to realise that thinking people of the world, like myself and Jonathan Freedland, have thought very carefully about which candidate would be better for the world. That is Barack Obama, who just in case you are wondering is not the man who flew the planes into the World Trade Center, although let's be honest you had that coming as a result of your country's imperialist foreign policy.

There are things about John McCain and Sarah Palin that you probably haven't heard because you don't listen to anything but hate radio. You assume that because Sarah Palin is from Alaska she must have an enlightened attitude towards fauna (that means animals) like Timothy Treadwell or someone, in fact she hunts bears and SHOOTS them with guns! Under an Obama Presidency you won't have to worry about lunatics being allowed to carry guns.

Did you know that John McCain was imprisoned in Vietnam for six years, yet the Republicans claim to be strong on law and order!

In short if you don't vote for Obama then you will let the World down, you will let America down and above all you will let me down.


Yours smugly,

Ross

9 comments:

JuliaM said...

They didn't learn anything from the last US election, did they?

Ross said...

Who, the Americans or the Guardian?

spot_the_dog said...

Hey buddy - that's brilliant! We were asking for someone to do something like this back in January - and now you've obliged.

Love it! And good luck ;~)

max said...

"Did you know that John McCain was imprisoned in Vietnam for six years, yet the Republicans claim to be strong on law and order!"

Very funny.
Good stuff.

Ross said...

I aim to please.

alison said...

It's funny Ross.

But not nearly as funny as the American economy dictating our own. Let's hope whoever is in charge doesn't screw it as royally as the Republicans did. And that the Americans go for whichever ticket shows some indication that the issue is even seriously on the agenda. Instead of selling us Hollywood glitz repackaged as politics, obligatory lady or leading man in situ for the cameras with another script on 'change'.

Anonymous said...

Earth to Europe: go pound sand.

¡No Pasarán!

Ross said...

Alison, the US economy influences ours, but if our problems were just a result of the USA then the UK economy shouldn't be in a worse state than theirs or any of the other big countries.

marvin said...

Good one Ross ;)

I started to read the Freedland article yesterday, stopped reading about half through as I was getting increasingly annoyed.

There's a similar kind of take on it by 'Shabba Goy' at Harry's Place...