Tuesday, September 23, 2008

Eat The Poor.

Gordon Brown has promised to enshrine a commitment to end child poverty in law. This appears to be in order to set a time bomb under the next Tory government who will be no more capable of eliminating relative 'poverty' than Labour has been, and can then be sued by 'poverty' campaigners.

There is only one way to successfully eliminate child poverty and that is the idea first suggested by Jonathan Swift almost three hundred years ago; we use the children of the poor as a food source.

I do therefore humbly offer it to public consideration that of the hundred and twenty thousand children already computed, twenty thousand may be reserved for breed, whereof only one-fourth part to be males; which is more than we allow to sheep, black cattle or swine; and my reason is, that these children are seldom the fruits of marriage, a circumstance not much regarded by our savages, therefore one male will be sufficient to serve four females. That the remaining hundred thousand may, at a year old, be offered in the sale to the persons of quality and fortune through the kingdom; always advising the mother to let them suck plentifully in the last month, so as to render them plump and fat for a good table. A child will make two dishes at an entertainment for friends; and when the family dines alone, the fore or hind quarter will make a reasonable dish, and seasoned with a little pepper or salt will be very good boiled on the fourth day, especially in winter.

It's called thinking outside the box, so come on Gordon take this bold step to eliminate child poverty, not only is it right it will probably bring you more popularity than implementing any of Polly Toynbee's or Peter Tatchell's proposals for saving the government.


Letters From A Tory said...

The child poverty statistics are horribly manipulated to suit the government. The number of people in deep poverty has risen by several hundred thousand since Labour came to power, yet they claim success.

James Higham said...

Yes but there wouldn't be that much meat on the little buggers, would there?

Ross said...

There wouldn't be much meat, but it would be a delicacy.